I found 2 notes in my phone the other day.  From the date it looks like i wrote them only a couple days after my surgery in January.  I’ve been told i was very heavily medicated at the time which is why i only have the faintest recollection of writing them.  Here is the first one - I’ve only corrected the most incoherent parts, so apologies if it takes more than a glance to read over. 

I had an operation,  now I’m in Intensive Care of a hospital in Tallinn. ICU’s are like school.   The nurses and doctors are like teachers watching over their slightly troublesome students,  us patients, who nap all day just in kindergarten.

You’re hooked up to a ton of machines. If any of the things they measure go out of range a machine beeps like crazy and a nice nurse comes to make sure you’re ok

Next there are the lines of drugs entering your body all over.   One in the spine at the back, and countless up and down one arm.   There are big uncomfortable tubes coming out of various parts of your body and an oxygen tube that doesn’t quite smell right.  The other arm is what I call the pin cushion, where they find all sorts of places to take blood tests.  

You also can’t move at first thanks to all these “accessories” attached to you.   All day you’re never alone,  people running little checks, writing statistics from the machines and helping you

And you hear loud voices from outside the ICU all day, but not just any voices, these voices sound … spanish?  and the spanish voices are joined by a monotone estonian voice as well … very confusing but after a while it all makes sense, if you can just get out of the damn bed you too can be swept up in the “latin american soap opera passion” playing in the tv room nearby …

And that for me was my life in ICU each day …  but then I saw them …  like James Deans of the ICU … they were the patients who don’t need no stinking tubes who can actually walk around.   Like the ones with the cool cars in high school, you are immediately jealous of them.   And want to be like them.   Then some nurse comes in and empties some random bag attached to one of your tubes and you sigh in defeat..  but you whisper a silent vow that you too will walk out to the tv room soon enough!

Days later you catch sight of the most majestic of creatures…  the patient that is leaving ICU for a regular patient room.   They are quite rare since they only exist for part of a day,  in fact I have only seen such a creature but once.   He was one of those James dean types,  but he was … different,  he walked fastest,  snored the loudest and generally owned the place.   So just like before I vow to to do the same!  But deep inside I’m a bit less confident,  I still do piss in a bag after all :/ but ill get there yes I will…